4:21 AM

As I sit in front of the computer screen thinking about life I can't help but wonder, "How the fuck did I do it?" I mean, I found myself in just about every shitty situation. I somehow managed to escape the shitty squats, the police investigations, the elitist bullshit, the neighborhood drama and my own personal ghosts to an extent and now I'm getting back up on my feet. Those days that I once had before my luck ran out were wonderful. I know that many of them I won't get back and I can accept that. I burned some bridges and hurt a lot of people along the way due to immaturity and selfishness and I hope that in time they can forgive me. Even more, I hope that I can grow the balls to apologize. Things are better now...I'm married, I have a daughter and I'm learning to get back on my feet. I'm still alive.

Disfear - Live The Storm

Let's face it, d-beat has never been known for it's originality. Actually, to be completely honest most of it sounds exactly the same. A bunch of crusty assholes rolling around in their Discharge worshiping shit. However, there are always exceptions to that rule and Disfear's Live The Storm is one of those very exceptions. Metallic riffs, ever so prevalent punk attitude, Tomas Lindberg's brutal screams occasionally accompanied by some sweet gang vocals. Sure you can find most of this shit in just about any Tragedy or Wolfbrigade record you pick up, but I guarantee never executed this well.

Jesus Fucking Christ

The Gospels, you know the books I’m talking about - Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, constantly make glorious claims about Jesus, but at the same time seem to deny them…indirectly of course. For example, the case of the immaculate conception. Both of Jesus’ parents were informed by angels before the birth that their newborn son was actually the Son of God.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the LORD had appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus because he will save his people from their sins.

-Matthew 1:20-21 (New International Version)

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The Angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you are highly favored! The LORD is with you.”
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Don’t be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and be called Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.
“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who is said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.
“I am the LORD’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Then the angel left her.

-Luke 1:26-38 (New International Version)

If both Mary and Joseph were given the knowledge that Jesus would be such an exceptional human being then they should have not been surprised by his bizarre and extraordinary behavior. Yet in the book of Luke we find Jesus somewhat scolded by his parents when he wanders off to discuss religion with the rabbis in the temple. When criticized by his parents Jesus says to them, “Why were you searching for me? Didn’t you know that I had to be in my Father’s house?” Yet when he says this to Mary and Joseph, the two are confused and do not understand. Now if angels truly appeared to Mary and Joseph as the books state then Jesus’ bizarre and extraordinary actions should have come to absolutely no surprise to them.
Another bizarre instance that we find is the first encounter between Jesus and John the Baptist. When the two first meet, John immediately recognizes Jesus to be the Son of God. However, when John is put in prison later on he only assumes that Jesus is the son of God.
When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples to ask him,

“Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?”

-Matthew 11:2-3 (New International Version)

It is very peculiar that we are told that John was so impressed by his first meeting with Jesus that he immediately declared him the Son of God, however when in prison his attitude changes to, “he may be the Son of God,” on the basis of rumors that someone were leaked to his cell.
Now Jesus is said to have worked miracles. We find all throughout the New Testament that he is performing exorcisms, raising the dead, making bread and fish appear out of nowhere and a whole laundry list of other miraculous doings. However, when the disciples hear of Christ’s resurrection they do not believe it.

…Seemed to them as idle tales…They seemed not to have the slightest expectation of a resurrection.


-Luke 24:11 (People’s New Testament)

They believed not. Their disbelief was overruled for good, for it furnishes abundant proof that they did not invent the story of the resurrection.

Mark 16:11 (People’s New Testament)

Clearly, nobody would have found the resurrection completely unbelievable if the disciples were truly present to witness the miracles that Jesus was said to have performed. Apparently to watch a single man perform exorcisms, turn water into wine and walk on water is completely believable, but the idea of the resurrection was completely off the wall to them. Obviously they should have been prepared for such an event after all the miraculous happenings that they apparently witnessed.
There’s also the possibility that when Jesus was removed from the cross he wasn’t even dead to begin with. It seems more likely that a man seen after his death probably wasn’t dead to begin with. Crucifixion was a slow death. It is even written that Pilate was surprised by how fast Jesus died (probably because he wasn’t dead at all, he just appeared dead). The Roman soldiers present at the time of the crucifixion broke the two thieves legs, but never broke Jesus’ legs because it was assumed that he was already dead and as you may have guessed, breaking a dead man’s legs is pretty damn pointless.
It is suspected by many that Joseph of Arimathea bribed the soldiers to make it appear as though Jesus appeared dead. Let’s take a look at the following evidence:

-Jesus was not buried in the ground by his enemies. Instead he was put into a cave tomb that had already been prepared for him by Joseph of Arimathea. There was only a rock rolled in front of it to seal it…more than likely it didn’t cut off much air.

-Joseph of Arimathea was a wealthy man, so he would have possessed the necessary funds to engage in bribery. So it seems pretty reasonable that the soldiers involved in Christ’s execution were bribed into making sure that they were not to thorough on making sure that he was actually dead.

-Pilate was surprised how quickly it took for Jesus to die.

Of course it isn’t written in any accounts that Joseph was involved in bribery. However, in the experience of this writer, when you bribe authorities you don’t usually make a big production out of it. You tend to keep that sort of thing low to the ground. Also, if we consider Jesus’ post-resurrection appearance it seems that his own disciples had difficulty recognizing him. Why is this? Perhaps Jesus was disguising himself to avoid authorities because he knew that next time he may not be so lucky if pursued again. It also seems a bit strange that he always appeared to his disciples after the resurrection in areas far away from his enemies such as far-off wilderness areas or in secured buildings. It would seem that Jesus lacked confidence in the idea of a resurrection actually being the reason for his still breathing.
Now this is all theory and using evidence that may or may not be true, since we are going by texts written so long ago and have probably been butchered through thousands of different versions and translations. If Jesus had gone through a Romero-esque zombie disposal, say, removing the head or burning the body, the resurrection story may have been a bit more impressive, but given this evidence that we have at our disposal it seems very likely that there was no resurrection and that Christ was more than likely still alive when removed from the cross. Theists will reject these claims, but honestly, what sounds more reasonable, bribery or zombies?

Descendents - Somery

I was in sixth grade when my mother first passed down some of her X and Black Flag stuff down to me in an attempt to educate me on punk and hardcore. I loved the stuff, but the one thing that I really clung to like a security blanket was a compilation CD she had given me. The disc was Somery by the Descendents. The disc was an all out assault of 80s hardcore and pop-punk and I was fucking in love. It compiled songs from the Fat EP (1981), Milo Goes To College (1982), I Don't Want To Grow Up (1985), Enjoy (1986) and All (1987). I recall that she handed it to me with the instructions to listen to the whole thing with the exception of the song "Pervert." I'm not sure what her logic behind this was considering I was allowed to listen to songs about killing cops, drinking, heroin, etc. However, in her eyes, a song about a pervert was off limits...go figure. Whenever I hear this album I'm hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia and recall those opening tracks. This was my introduction to punk rock...Thanks Mom.

God Damn

I’ve seen it happen among so many raised within the evangelist institutions. They let their faith slip away unnoticed and unrealized like grains of sand in an hour glass. So often they don’t even realize that it’s happening until there is nothing left. They sit on the rooftops staring at the sky with great skepticism and wonder, questioning whether or not they were meant to be here and wondering why God hasn’t answered their prayers. Questions arise as do many answers, but with each answer there appear more and more questions. A lot of us were led into thinking that we needed faith as our foundation, as if that we were supposed to believe that some deity would wipe away our tears and help us in times of need in the same way we believe that the ground won’t disappear beneath our feet. It’s pretty fucking ridiculous when it all comes down to it. Why must we rely on an invisible man (or woman) for guidance and comfort? The fact of the matter is that we don’t need to.

We’re brought up to believe that God is this all loving and all powerful being with free will yet perfectly good. However, if this was true wouldn’t life contain these same key elements? The way I see it we really need to consider that God is either, all loving and not all powerful, or God is all powerful and not all loving. Perhaps God is pure evil and we’ve been led to believe that he’s good. Why not? This scenario plays out with people so often, so why not the creator of the universe? If we find dishonesty and deception within the appearance and actions of doctors, cops, lawyers, politicians and our own neighbors isn’t it possible that we can find these same elements in God? Rational thinking has only led me to believe that God is either a.) non-existent or b.) a sadistic deity hell-bent on watching us suffer. This sounds like a very pessimistic view on life, but we must realize the harsh reality that our world is overflowing with a great deal of evil and death, therefore it holds true that if such a situation were created by God, then God must be evil.

In nature we see that all things die. Whether or not we’d like to admit it all living things given enough time will cease to exist. Often times, especially among mammals, our survival is based on the death of another living thing. An excellent example would be a hunter whom kills a deer. The hunter needs to eat and therefore must kill the deer to ensure that his life is sustained. It’s a disgusting cycle, in order to sustain our own lives we must destroy another. So if there is in fact a God he has us working on a very morbid system if I may say so myself. If what is said about God’s powers are true and not some blasphemous exaggeration then he is fully capable of stopping all natural disasters, disease, famine and war, yet he chooses not to. Why on earth would such a loving God allow his children to suffer so greatly? I recall being greatly confused by this when I was a young boy and when I asked those who claimed to possess such great wisdom and knowledge of God and his wonderful plan and they always gave me the same answer, “The LORD works in mysterious ways.” Even at the age of eight I knew that this answer was complete bullshit and a way for the clergy to say, “I don’t know,” without actually having to use those words.

These realizations became clear to me on September 11, 2001 after the destruction of the World Trade Center. I recall the moment so vividly, it was a Tuesday and I was in eighth grade. I stood in the middle of the street watching the smoke go over my neighborhood and realized how polluted this world truly was with pain and despair and realized that life is so closely tied to death that we often fail to recognize it. As I watched the footage of people jumping from the buildings and showers of glass and metal raining down upon pedestrians I knew that God had intentionally created life with the sole purpose of watching us suffer. Given the natural order of things it would be impossible to say that a good God exists. He is nothing more than a kid on an ant hill with a magnifying glass and we are his ants. This is all assuming that God does in fact exist, which is still unclear to the vast majority of us at this point, but if he does exist there is no doubt in my mind that he is an immoral being completely absent of kindness or compassion.

As negative and heart breaking as this may or may not seem, once we accept these state affairs we can get off our knees and live life to the fullest. Death, no matter what the circumstances, will always succeed in the end and we must use this new found knowledge to make sure that we don’t waste our time with menial tasks and bullshit that will reduce the quality of life for us and our loved ones. Only by eliminating our dependence on God can we truly throw down the crutches and be free. Life is too short to be caught in the web of Jesus Christ or any other ridiculous dogmatic belief system that tries to strike fear into the hearts of people with the idea of an invisible man waiting to judge us based on our works and good deeds or our sins of the past. Life is too short to be living in fear of a God who needs us more than we need him.

The Beginning

I used to sell cocaine in order to buy weapons for CIA insurgents in South America and the Middle East, as well as fund my own personal wars at home. However, such patriot games are now behind me. These days I'd much rather sit on a rooftop with an ice cold 40 and watch today's empire crumble while in the company of some good friends. However, you'll more than likely find me in the sketchy forgotten establishments of Philadelphia selling pornography to the walking dead of Philthadelphia in order to make ends meet for my wife and daughter. I suppose that this was easier than starting a zine and is probably going to be the end of me trying to get one of the ground. After all that is anyone still listening?